I remember I used to get frustrated and sometimes angry at what other people would do and say to offend me. “How dare they do that to me?” “They are CRAZY!” and my favorite when I broke up with yet another guy? “There’s something wrong with him, he doesn’t know what he’s missing.” Then one day I looked in the mirror. I realized I either possessed or was capable of displaying all the traits of the people whom offended me!
How’s that you ask? I learned that people come into your life for a reason, they teach you things about yourself, you would not have learned otherwise. In other words, look inward when you “think” you have an issue with someone or something. Then ask yourself, why am I angry? Frustrated? Disgusted, or upset? Does is have something to do with what someone else did or said? If yes, did it ever occur to you that YOUR issue is that, YOUR issue? I discovered most of the time when I got angry or frustrated my expectations were not being met. I had unconsciously placed my expectations (based on my beliefs) onto other people. I expected them to say and act as I did and when they didn’t, I got upset. In addition, the beliefs I had adopted from my family, friends and main stream society made matters worse. All they were doing, was showing me who I am.
When I started looking inward, I was able to access my feelings about a situation, and as a result, my whole life changed. I started showing compassion and asking myself the following questions when ever I got upset or frustrated with someone:
What am I feeling? And why?
If I walked in their shoes, would I or could I do things different?
Am I capable of those actions?
Have I done “this” before?
Still not with me? Here’s an example. When I decided to start my spiritual journey last year, I “disappeared.” I changed all my numbers and stopped calling everyone. I believed (expected) everyone would be able to understand what I did, but they didn’t. I hurt many people with my actions. I didn’t realize the impact my actions had on my family and friends until I dated a man who “disappeared.” I remember catching myself when I said, “If he didn’t want to speak to me, all he had to do is call me and let me know.” First question I asked myself? Have I done this before? The answer was yes! Immediately after I realized what my lesson was and what I had learned, I called all my friends and family and apologized for my disappearing act. In order for me to understand the pain I caused my family and friends, someone else had to show me.
I was also able to let go of the anger and frustration I had towards the man I dated for disappearing. How could I be upset when I was definitely capable of disappearing as demonstrated by my actions earlier in the year? So the next time someone does something to offend “you” try looking in the mirror and asking yourself the above questions. Of course, this is the first step in becoming conscious; I think it is the most important step.
Here’s another exercise that can help you start looking inward:.
- Write down the name of all your exs
- Write down why you broke up, what you didn’t like etc. (be honest)
- Is there a pattern?
If there is a pattern, chances are it’s YOU not them, and you should pay attention to what they are trying to teach you about yourself. Otherwise, you’ll continue to meet the same person again and again until you learn what ever it is you need to learn about yourself.
Blessings,
Yashieka
